I struggle with believing God trusts me.
Do I believe He is good? Yes.
Do I believe He works and speaks through His people? Absolutely.
Do I believe He trusts me to do His work, in all of my sin and brokenness? Um… yes?
I struggle with doubt and shame and unbelief. Sometimes I feel as though I have a Holy Spirit shield. And not the good kind of shield, like a “protected by the Holy Spirit” shield, but a shield that prevents the Holy Spirit from working through me. And it is in those moments, the moments when I’m most struggling, the Lord comes to my rescue and reassures me that, yes, He does hear me, yes, He does trust me, and, yes, He does love me.
On Wednesday I was asked to be on a prayer team, which I’ve done many times before. But here I was struggling with doubt that the Lord could work through me and I’m asked to be on a prayer team. I asked my prayer partner to take the lead, but she suggested, “Why don’t we take turns?”
Okay, so I wasn’t off the hook.
“Lord. Help me get out of the way, pleeease. Work through me, pleeease. Give these wonderful people the words they need to hear, pleeease. Please.”
A woman approached and we began praying. Suddenly the word “renewed” popped into my head and the following thoughts happened:
Renewed? …What? Renewed what? Wasn’t I talking about renewal with someone a few days ago? Wait. Why can’t I concentrate? Lord, clear my mind of distractions. Zeal. Zeal? Renewed zeal? Renewed zeal. What? Why is my brain putting random words together right now? Wait. Should I say this? Lord, is this from You? If it’s from You, let me know I need to say it.
(I told y’all I struggle.)
Anyway. I shared the word with her and we continued praying.
After prayer, with a tear in her eye, she showed me a page in her notebook from earlier that day.
Pray for zeal.
Isn’t it cool how the Lord works? How He can use the same situation to speak in two different ways to two randomly connected people? To one, He heard her prayer for zeal. To the other, He heard her desire to be trusted.
St. Paul says it best in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:
“But the Lord said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me.
Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”
And so I’m working on trust. I will trust that He loves me. I will trust that He hears me. I will trust that He works through me. I will trust that I am strong in my weakness for the Lord’s grace will give me strength.
This post is part of the #BISsisterhood Link-Up: Trust.